Parenting Question

Kelly, Ive got five words for you: bedtime, kids, discipline, spanking and HELP! Our two sons are next to impossible to get to bed at night, and in the last while weve started spanking them. Weve always threatened to, but really didnt have to follow through. But when it started taking over 90 minutes to get them to bed, enough was enough! Now they are trying to hit us back, run around and its exhausting. I dont know if you can help, but I would like to know what you might suggest.Frustrated Mom (and Dad)

Positive Parenting Tip for Bedtime and Kids

Dear Frustrated Mom:

Sounds like your family is burning the midnight oil and the fuel that is firing up this conflict is your sons goal of power. The only question is, who will win? My goal is to have you all win. Resolving bedtime struggles is a common question. In my book When Youre about To Go Off The Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With You, I explain that bedtime is an epidemic problem that plagues most households. If its not one more story, its ten more minutes of their favorite TV show or dawdling in the bathroom. Children will also manage to get their babysitters to let them stay up long past their bedtime. To avoid being conned or manipulated again, try my approach:

1. Tell Them What You Are Going To Do. Say something like, Part of what I love to do with you is read stories at bedtime, but sometimes I feel frustrated when bedtime takes a lot longer than it needs to be. So from now on I will be at your bedside promptly at ____p.m. to tuck you in. If you are not there at that time all ready to be tucked in, I will start getting ready for bed myself. If you would like a hug, you can come and find me for a quick one, but I will not return to your room.

2. Follow Through. As you stated, be in their room on time. If you feel it's necessary, give them one five-minute warning. If they aren't ready at the specified time, leaveand be prepared to keep your mouth shut at all costs (regardless of tears, angry words, or pleads to be tucked in). Go into the bathroom, lock the door and get ready yourself. Give them one hug if they ask, then continue with your tasks. If they try to get you involved, simply say, Ill be happy to speak with you in the morning. Sweet dreams. And that is all.

Lastly, know that your children will test you. Chances are they will test you hard! This gives you the opportunity to be consistent in your new approach to discipline, kids, spanking and bedtime. As soon as they realize that you are consistent in your new way to put them to bed, then they will have no choice but to change their own behavior.

Kelly Nault

Kelly Nault is the award-winning author of the book, "When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You." Kelly loves kids! This is why she motivates moms to put themselves first--so they have more to give their children. She is the founder of Ultimate Parent, a company that provides parenting resources such as the "Mommy Moments" free online parenting course.

Kelly?s contagious zest-for-life, and effective communication strategies have helped thousands of families to bring out their best. As a popular and entertaining media guest across North America, she is regularly quoted for such articles as "Psst! Children Secretly Like Chores" and regularly facilitates workshops for parents, corporate audiences, and colleges.

After receiving her Master?s in Counseling Psychology, Kelly completed a pre-doctoral internship and became the "go-to person" for emotionally, and mentally challenged children that other professionals have given up on. Early in her career, Kelly co-parented two violent, blind brothers for whom the community had lost hope. It was in this long-term position that she tested and disseminated the advice of leading parenting experts into her own brand of practical and effective Ultimate Parent tactics that work for common family struggles. Kelly?s approach to parenting is time-tested, child-proofed and effective in decreasing conflict while accelerating the ability for each family member to reach and fulfill their maximum potential.