As the birth of our second child quickly approaches, I am reminded of what a wonderful man I managed to marry. He stayed with me during the entire 36 hour ordeal last time and never gave up on me, even when I did. However, before we brave this joyful event again, there are a few requests that I would like to make of him ... Please remember to bring my suitcase this time. I didn't spend hours meticuously packing it so that it can remain in the foyer of our home. There really are a few items in it that I might find useful during labor! Please refrain from the urge to remind me that you were the one that said the childbirth classes were a waste of time and I'd forget how to breathe with the first really strong contraction. I will warn you now that for every time I hear that come out of your mouth, I can guarantee a week will be added to my "recovery time". When someone comes into the room while I'm in an awkward position, please make sure they close the door behind them. Although I've lost most of my humility by now, please allow me that small amount of dignity. I don't think the cleaning crew really needs to know me that well. When I ask you to go get the nurse to tell her it's time for my next dose of Stadol, I really do mean now! Believe me, she won't just happen to come back in the room when it's time. Please don't whine to your friends and family how I nearly broke your fingers. You only think you know what pain is! Believe me, if I wanted to break something at this point, it wouldn't be your fingers! Once I've started pushing, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't distract the doctor by screaming "Wow! Did you see that jump shot?" I could really use his undivided attention at this critical time, even if you're afraid you'll miss the game winning basket! Please don't tell me "Just one more push honey" unless you mean it. Although I'm sure you were well meaning, keep in mind that even though I am in intense pain, I can still count. It doesn't give me much inspiration to hear you say that 10 - 15 times! It is not necessary to comment on the size of the baby's head as he is crowning. Trust me, I realize exactly how large it is! And last, but not least, if you ask the doctor to put in an extra stitch this time, I *will* divorce you before you have the opportunity to find out how many stitches I ended up with! |
