You're an enlightened guy, right? When you first learned that you and your wife were pregnant, your first thought (O.K., your second thought, right after that moment of sheer panic) was that you were ready for this. You'd thought a lot about it, and, as much as you respect your own upbringing, you knew that you could do better and that someday, you were going to win that most coveted award: The Greatest Dad In The World-Ever.
Remember? You were actually anxious to change diapers, to get up three times a night with your newborn, and to laugh at baby spit-up on your new shirt. You were ready to adopt a whole new lifestyle-for an enlightened guy like you, how could Monday Night Football ever be as rewarding as quality time with your own child? Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?
Twenty-first century living can be hard on even the best-laid plans. With two-income households common, today, and the forty-hour work-week a quaint dream of the past, quality parenting time is at a premium. And whether you lay bricks or sell stocks, for a living, you're always trying to prove that you're indispensible to your employer. It's tiring and stressful, and like many fathers, today, you find yourself feeling guilty about your lack of presence in your child's life. Like your father before you, you rely on your wife to tell you about your own child's life.
But you can and you should change the cycle, while your child is still young. Regardless of whatever else may require your time and attention, even a half-hour a day, spent being truly involved with your child, can make a huge difference in his or her life. Fatherhood plays an important role in the socialization of your child.
According to the Fatherhood Project, developed by North Carolina State University, a father's absence-even his emotional absence-can lead to boys who are more likely to be involved in crime, girls who get pregnant as teenagers, teens who drop out of school, and kids who later get involved in drug and alcohol abuse.
The father plays an important role as moral and spiritual guide to his child, as advisor and mentor, and as authority figure. And, in the kind of family you envisioned yours would be, the father and mother together provide a model of shared responsibility.
There are many simple and easy ways to make yourself more available to your child. Make dinnertime a family time. Eliminate the television from the kitchen, and use this time to talk with your child.
Set aside one night a week as a "Dad's night", when you schedule activities that involve you and your child. Even playing video games together can help you stay close.
Be involved in you child's schoolwork. Overseeing homework is a great way for fathers to bond with their children.
Leave your work at the office or the brickyard, when you're with your child. Regardless of the professional stress you may be under, it can't be as important as your child's development.
Most of all, be available, for whatever your child needs, emotionally. Years from now, when all the votes are counted, it's your presence today that will be remembered-you could still win that award. |
