Constant affirmation without accountability is a sure-fire way to cripple a child. In other words, belief in yourself without responsibility leads to a sense of entitlement. Raise your hand if you've ever been rejected for anything, anytime, anywhere. We all have. How would you like to have a nice little four-letter word for the next time you're rejected? It's: NEXT. Next sale, next job, next date, next whatever. Beware of people who use their own emotional pain as a tool to manipulate others instead of as a motivation to change themselves. Parents of teens need to watch out for NMK Syndrome: Not My Kid, as in "my kid couldn't have done ___" (fill in the blank). Well, yes, they could have. Even if you have faithfully raised them not to do certain things, kids still have the power of choice, which means they can make bad choices. NMK Syndrome can blind you to something that needs immediate attention. Trust in your kids and in your parenting, and always check out what you hear. When you receive a notice in your credit card statement that says, "Congratulations, because of your excellent payment history, there is no minimum fee due this month," it's not a time for celebration. You're still being charged interest. These people are not your friends. It's a humbling and sobering experience to have a child who wants to be like you. I've noticed more and more people doing what I call "caboose living." Picture a three-car train. The engine in front we'll call facts/reality; the car in the middle is our thoughts, beliefs, decisions, choices and behaviors based on the facts; the caboose is our feelings. The facts/reality come first, then thoughts and behaviors followed by feelings. Many folks try to run their life train with the caboose (feelings) in the lead. Feelings are interesting and important, but they cannot drive the train. Pay attention to your feelings, but let the facts/reality drive the train. A successful marriage requires selective and strategic ignoring. The right things to ignore are little habits and irritating peculiarities that we all have. The problem comes when you select the wrong things to ignore. I wonder if it's a bad thing to believe that football on TV is one of the first sounds of fall approaching. Most folks live with the illusion that worrying about something can actually make a difference. The only possible way that worrying can make a difference is if the worrying motivates you to take action to do something about the subject of your worry. People often say, "Well, I'm just going with the flow." The problem with going with the flow is that many times the flow is lost and does not know where it is going. Best quote I've seen since last time, by Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts: "At some point, though, a problem ought to be defined less by our ability to explain why it happens than by our willingness to demand that it happen no more." |
