Actually, the title of this article is the title of the book that Im in the process of writing as well as the main theme of my radio show, "Welcome to Life Happens". It has to do with patterns that we develop in our lives from childhood on.

We dont consciously or purposefully choose to develop these patterns. Instead they developed unknowingly and unconsciously. We picked them up by watching how our parents and other significant figures dealt with their lives. We also learned them as a result of experiences that we encountered growing up. We may have had a bent in the direction of developing those patterns because of our personality types or because of circumstances in our early development that demanded a certain adjustment on our part. Perhaps something traumatic occurred that resulted in a certain type reaction or just that the family commonly practiced the pattern.

The problem with these early developmental patterns is that although they may have been effective at one point in our lives, theyre still being practiced and they dont work anymore. Many of these patterns may have grown out of a childs not having any choices because of their dependence on parents or parental figures. When we dont have choices, we tend to compensate by developing patterns that might usually go to extremes. If theres one rule that Ive learned from working with thousands of people it is this: extremes never work! Essentially, when we go to extremes, we believe that the opposite of whatever the problem is for which were trying to compensate will take us to the answers that we need to find. Instead, we usually end up going into another set of problems.

The answer to life is balance. However, we cannot attain a sense of balance that lasts indefinitely. We can only strive to attain balance in our lives and realize that striving is a necessary constant in life if we want to become healthy and happy. It means that we need to be aware and willing to work at gaining balance. I liken this process to exercising and the effort it takes to stay in shape. So, when our patterns of dealing with life coming into our adult years become problematic.even though they worked for us previously.we need to consciously change them. Because these patterns were part of our learned behaviors, we can learn to change them a little at a time. At first it's difficult but with determination and practice, it will become easier and we will become healthier.

Charles Bonasera

Charles M. Bonasera had been a practicing psychotherapist since 1962 and has served as a Consultant, Mediator, Author and Workshop Presenter since 2003. Based on years of extensive research he became a Stress Management expert and founded/ directed the Stress Management Center which evaluated and treated stress-related problems. As President of Personal Identity Controls, he developed and produced a number of interactive materials on various stress-related topics to enable people to take greater control their lives.Charles produced the CD/workbook entitled ?Guide To A Life Management Process? which helps people recognize and manage their stress more effectively. His Workshops and consultations with businesses, corporations and schools, stresses the recognition that our greatest resource is people and treating them with dignity and respect promotes productivity. His role as a keynote speaker mixes his professional wisdom with practical solutions and a sense of humor.

Based on his previous experience as an evaluator of learning disabilities, he began rendering Workshops to school districts in 1995. His goal was to help educators recognize the importance of incorporating principles of mental health in the classroom. His Workshop and Consulting roles dealt with issues such as anger and stress management, developing reasonable expectations, belligerent behavior, case study workshops, parent-teacher relationships, reducing anxiety to facilitate the learning process, problem solving techniques and the practical components of healthy, happy relationships. Many of these same topics were incorporated into general audience workshops as well.

Charles? methods center around helping people develop ?alternative ways to happiness.? His problem-solving techniques are practical and interactive enabling people to make their own choices in their own individual style and time-frame.. His approach clearly embodies the philosophy that ?the greatest learning we experience is when we don?t know we?re learning and are having fun? and that learning is both an intellectual and emotional process.